Taking Back Control Through Running

I still remember the day I started running. I’m a Divorced, Single Mummy to two girls, aged just five and eight. I also suffer with an Anxiety Disorder. The year I got divorced in 2017, I landed my dream career as a Police Constable. A couple of years on…and I found life overwhelming.I was trying to run a house, you know the usual…washing, cooking…making up lunch boxes. Trying to keep up with which days were P.E kits and which days were ‘spelling test days’. I tried my hardest and I’m not ashamed to admit, I struggled and my own self care dwindled a little. I stopped going to the gym and I wasn’t eating the right foods because I was too exhausted at the end of a working day. But I muddled through and me and my girls are trying our best to smash it!But I found myself four stone overweight and I failed my ‘Job Required Fitness Test’. It’s a standard bleep test of level 5.4. To some that seems so easy. “YOU COULD WALK THAT!” my colleagues would say….but for me, it felt like a mountain I’d never be able to climb.The day I failed the test, I cried. I cried hard. I still remember the night. Coincidentally, I’d been featured in a video that day, that was posted on YOUTUBE. I wasn’t even the ‘feature’ of the video but simply had a 10 second clip, where I had asked the gentleman filming to move back away from any element of danger…to which he refused to do so. When a friend send me the link…I began to read the comments. There were over fifty comments on the video. None of the comments were about the incident itself…they were all mocking me and calling me a ‘fat police woman’.

I was devastated. I’d failed my fitness test and now I felt like my insecurities were being exploited and ‘trolled’ online.I’d decided enough was enough. I had no excuse for becoming overweight. Being a single Mummy, working full time shifts was a hard struggle but looking back, I wish I’d have taken care of myself more.At that moment, I thought I could cry into a McDonalds or I could pull myself together and do something about it.The next day I went out and bought a full set of running gear, I made a food blog on Instagram and I downloaded Zen Labs @C25K.The first week was tough. I couldn’t run more than 60 seconds without feeling like I needed to give all this up. But I didn’t give up and I kept at it. I found running to be a freedom. My friends would ask me…”Don’t you listen to music when running? It will make it easier for you?”… but I told them ‘no’. When I’m running…I enjoy the 30 minutes of silence. Just the cars driving by, the birds tweeting and the sound of my trainers hitting the pavement. That sound is way better than my IPod Tracklist and it makes me feel proud. And that sound has eased my anxiety more than I could ever imagine. I used to wake up anxious and stressed, but a 30 minute run a day and the anxiety is kicked to the kerb. Who knew?!…I didn’t need Propanol…I needed running!

I hit 5K this week, on the week of my 34th birthday. It’s supposed to have taken me 8 weeks, but the passion and new found love I’ve found for running, just had me developing my runs more and more, quicker and quicker.Then I found ‘Badass Mother Runners Club’. I met other Mum’s that started out just like I did! I was excited and overwhelmed that there were other people that had found the inspiration I had. When I hit 5K, I ordered their 5K medal. I felt like I deserved a reward and their products were so fitting for how I was feeling. They were that amazing, that they sent me some free badges to keep my motivation and spirit up. ‘Badass Mother Runners Club’ will never know that extra smile and confidence boost I got when I received my medal in that mornings post.

Running fits into my Single Mummy Shift life so easily. I can chuck a run in after the school run or after a busy shift before the dog needs walking.If someone had told me I’d have been a ‘runner’ last year…I would have laughed and I never would have believed them.I’ve passed my ‘Job Related Fitness Test’ this month with flying colours and its the first time I’ve not been anxious about it at all because, Badass Mothers Runners Club made sure I passed! The trolls will always come and go, but they can ‘do one’! now…I’m a stone down and there’s no stopping me now.